AmythestAngelWolf

Byeeeeee

For the past few months, I've been lost.
My mind was not a safe place.
I was afraid of myself.

.: Beginning of 2017 :.
I've always been a very stubborn person. Not in a nasty way, but in a grounded/rooted way. I am however a very open-minded person, and very accepting of things others might just discard. I'd allow CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, but I wouldn't allow someone to put me down. I was not a people pleaser, heck I didn't give a damn about anyone. I'd sympathize, but never empathize, to me it was unnecessary to burden myself with how someone else would feel. I was very blunt with emotions, nothing could shake me, good or bad... But in recent months... things have changed.
.:July-November 2017:.
I found myself no longer rooted, just kind... drifting. I've been way to accommodating with the nasty things people have to say about me, but... allowed them to do this. I was constantly making sure everyone else was ok, and putting their feelings before my own. I was unhappy. I felt guilty, I felt I deserved to be shamed, because I was not able to please everyone. My body started deteriorating rapidly. I was losing weight, I was exhausted, my night terrors had returned and I would wake up with a raw throat because I was screaming well I slept. My mind had slowed too, I was not creative, and unable to put the few ideas I did have onto the paper. Which frustrated me, and made me lose interest. I was spiraling down, and I couldn't see it, I was so blinded by the false hope, the lie. My mind kept saying "Stay, this is what you want." over and over... and I believed it. I believed the lie for so long...
.: December 2017 :.
By now, my mind had become so toxic. I was in such a dark pit of guilt, the only escape covered by a veil of anxiety. I was in the worst condition physically too, I could see my ribs through my clothes, and I was exhausted beyond belief. I would drown myself in a black pool of lies on a daily basis. At some point (I'm not sure exactly when) I realized something wasn't alright. So I attempted to reach out to the only soul I felt I could trust... but... they didn't want to listen. I. Was. Shredded. My mind became a living hell, my inner being felt as if it had been ripped from me, I fell further into the pit, I delved deeper into the lies. I sobbed, but there were no tears, there were no more tears.
.:New Year:.
Sometime... I can't remember when, I got a message and a phone call that probably saved my life (Lance, Lee, if you guys are reading this. Thank you) It was like being in a dark room, stumbling into objects that were hurting me, then BOOM, someone turned on the lights and I could see, I could finally see the lies. I was angry at myself because of how long it took me to realize it all, but relieved that I could see past the hurt and the pain.
But my tale doesn't end there, NOPE. I could see now, but I now had accept it, and get myself out. I had to be the doctor and the patient in all of this. I didn't tell my family (even though they could clearly see I was not ok) and I only told a handful of people how I was feeling. I had to fix myself, I had too. And, I did.
I'm not entirely intact, but I'm better, and a lot happier. My mind is at peace, I can slowly feel myself returning and I hope I'm here to stay. :3

If you read this, thanks, I appreciate that you care what a random person on the internet has to say <3

Forgiveth, but I've been extremely inactive for the past few months and I have a perfectly reasonable explanation.
I'm busy x')
And DA is just not very important for me anymore... I post my works on Instagram now at  kiwi_kat_arts
I'm also on Wattpad  KiwiKatWritings
Please forgive me if I do not comment on your artworks or just don't reply, I'm not on here much anymore and if I'm honest, I have better things to do right now

I love you guys tho <3 don't forget that

1. Name: Angel

2. Nickname(s): Kiwi, Bokka.

3. Birthday: October 3 (Tis' messed up on my page. Forgiveth)

4. That makes you (age): 16

5. Where were you born (city): Shhh

6. Location right now: My room. Only warm place atm

7. Shoe size: 8 {I have big feet x')}

8. How many piercings?: None ;;

9. Tattoos?: Not yet ;D

10. When you wake up you're: Relieved x')

11. When you're about to sleep you're: Analyzing the days events

12. Zodiac sign: Libra

13. Chinese sign: Snake

14. Righty or Lefty: Both

15. Innie or Outie: Innie

16. School: SHhh

Section Two: Looks

17. Nationality: African

18. Hair color: Dirty blonde with white ends (The sun bleach it >_>)

20. Weight: 64 kg... I think

21. Height: Around 6,2?

22. Braces?: Thank the heavens no x'D

23. Glasses?: Nope and never

Section Three: Private Life

24. Do you have a boy/girlfriend?: Boyfriend... Lover... My Potatoe (There are a lot of names for him lol)

25. If so, who?: Potatoe Cat x')

26. If not, do you have a crush on someone?: Someone that's mine? Yess

27. Who has a crush on you?: Don't care really 030

28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf?: I couldn't

29. Who was your first kiss: Haven't had a 'first kiss' that was on purpose. By accident... way too many x'D

30. Who was your last kiss: Don't know

31. Are you a virgin?: Yes x'D

32. Ever had a threesome before?: NopE

33. NQ- Every been swarmed by ladybugs?: YesssS (soo, red -cringe-)

34. Have you ever been in love?: Maybe x3

35. Broken any hearts? Yeaahhh ;;

36. Got your heart broken?: Yup

37. Ever liked a friend?: Yup

38. What happened?: We're dating now x'D

Section Four: Past Relationships

39. How many relationships have you been in? 7? If I remember correctly

40. How many were serious enough to count: 1 to be honest lol

41. Who were those serious ones: He doesn't have DA

42. NQ- Who used to be your best friend: A control freak

43. What made them different: Nothin' I just felt sorry for her cause 'reasons'

44. What happened: I told her off

45. Best boy/girlfriend: Don't fully understand this question...

46. Worst boy/girlfriend: Again, not sure on how to answer...

47. Ever been kissed: Yap

48. Who do you want back: Julian. He was a really good friend.

49. Who do you regret: Control freak

50. Why?: Because I put up with her BS for way longer than I should have

Section Five: Favorites

51. Song: Azazal & Said - I said Meow (Really cute Dub lol)

52. Movie: Any horrors I guess

53. Food: Pizza and Lasagna

54. Drink: Water and Vitamin water

55. Store: Sweethearts (They sell lotsa nice necklaces)

56. Television show: Deadly Affairs (x'3)

57. Holiday: Christmas. In the Southern Hemisphere its nice and warm during December... I like warm x')

58. Book: Taken series, and Maze Runner Series

59. Ice cream: Mint!

60. Sweets: Crystalized sugars

61. Chips: Cheese flavored x'D

62. Type of music: Dubstep

63. Artist: Terminite, Said, Spag Heddy, Skrillex <--(Dose peeps)

64. Word: Moist x'D

65. Time of day: Early afternoon

66. Dressing: Blue cheese

67. Alcoholic drink: Amarula (Yess, I'm young x'D)

68. Color(s): Mint-blue

69. Piece of clothing: Shorts and Hoodies

70. Character: Newt

71. Smell: Potatoe cats jacket... he smells amazing...

72. Shampoo: This weird stuff the saloon guys recommended

73. Soap: Lux x')

74. Emoji: Smirky face

75. Board game: Anything really

76. Sport: RUGBY!!

77. Number: 6

78. Quote: "Life's only goal is to cause you misery, so just confuse life by rolling around on the floor... it works."

79. Animal: Wolf!

80. Actor: Thomas Brodie Sangster

82. Vegetable: Potatoe

83. Fruit: Strawberry

Place to be: In a certain someone's arms <3

85. Thing in your room: Cherry Blossom pictures?

86. Gum: Mint

87. Shape: Square

88. Country: This place, right here, South Africa lol

89. Mall: The Glen

90. Car: Something Fancy

91. Boy's name: Rick or Jamear

92. Girl's name: Nikita

93. Family member: -eye roll-

94. Restaurant: Spur x'D

95. Movie place: The Glen

96. Person to go to the movies with: Mellow, Brandon or Potatoe Cat

97. Noise: Sizzling bacon x9

99. Brand of clothing: Anything really, most of my clothes are DIY stuff

98. Brand of shoe: Again, anything really

100. Body part of a chicken: Leg?

101. Swear word: A$$

102. Month: November!

103. Possession: These two glass birds

104. Team: Blue Bulls

105. Season: Spring!

106. Radio station: Don't listen to the radio o-o

107. Magazine: YOU

108. Favorite grade: 10th grade x')

109. Least favorite grade: 7th grade

110. Teacher: Don't have one

111. Least favourite teacher: Don't know, don't care

112. Subject: Science

113. Subject to talk about: Anything really

Section Six: Family

114. Who's your mum?: ShhH

115. Who's your dad?: ShhH

116. Any step-parents?: Nope

117. Any brothers?: Yess

118. Any Sisters?: No

120. Coolest: Uncle

121. Loudest: My bro

122. Best relative: Me

123. Worse relative: . . .

124. Do you get along with your parents?: Well enough~

125. With your siblings?: Nope x'D

126. Does anyone understand you?: They try to, but it really just irritates me, so no.

127. Do you have any pets?:  Yup

128. If so, what kind and name?: Black cat named Jess

129. If not, what do you want as a pet?: A Tiger x'D

Section Seven: School

131. Are you still in school? YeS

132. Did you drop out?: Nope

133. Your current GPA: No clue

134. Do you buy or bring lunch?: Bring

135. ABC's?: Yup, I know them x')

136. Favorite class: None lol

137. Play any sports at school?: Nope

138. Are you popular?: I guess?

139. Favorite memory: Sneaking into a 'restricted area' and sitting on top of the mountain watching the sunset

140. Most humiliating moment: Too many x'D

141. Most funniest moment: Too many lol

142. Most sacred moment: When I thought I might die o_o

Section Eight: What do you think of when you hear

145. Chicken: Cock x')

146. Dog: Woof

147. Christina Aguilera: Blonde

148. Ricky Martin: Martin Garrix

149. 50 cent: Bronze

150. Poop: That smiley poop emoji

151. Beach: Warm sand (I like warm <3)

152. Dessert: Warmer Sand

153. Water: Yumm

154. Osama: Imma bomb your families (Glad his dead >_>)

155. Love: Potatoe Cat...

156. Your little brother: Lil' Scrub

157. Butt: Dun grab

158. Clowns: High-school dropout

159. Wonder: Look into my eyes, it's there

16o. Brown: Bark

161. Banana: Minions!

162. Sex: Ohhh ho ho

163. Parents: Food givers

164. Homosexuals: . . .

165. God: Safety from the hurt inside.

Section Nine: Do you believe in

166. God: Of course

167. Heaven: Of course

168. Devil: My competition ;D

169. Hell: YeSs

170: Boogy man: Tocoloss x'D (It's what his called here in Africa)

171. Closet Monsters: LoL nope

172. Fortune tellings: Nope

173. Magic: You're a wizard Harry! but not really.

174. Love at first sight: I'll see~

175. Ghosts: Yup

176. Voo-doo dolls: LoL nope

177. Reincarnation: Idk 0_0

178. Yourself: YESSsS WHooP

Section Ten: Do you

179. Smoke: No lol

180. Do drugs: Nope

181. Drink alcohol: Nope

182. Cuss: Way to much x')

183. Sing in the shower: Classified

184. Like school: Well 'nough yap

185. Want to get married: To the perfect person for me, yes.

186. Type with all of your fingers: nope I type only with my index finger and my middle finger x')

187. Think you're attractive: Very (The self love is strong with me x3)

188. Drink and drive: Never

189. Snore: Nope, but I scream and whimper in my sleep apparently 0_0

190. Sleepwalk: Sadly yes...

191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: Indeed

Section Eleven: Have you ever

192. Flashed someone: Accidently...

193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: Nope

194. Told that person how you felt: I don't feel unless it's mutual so no

195. Been arrested: Not yet xD

196. Gone to jail or juve: Nope

197. Skateboarded: Yup

198. Skinny dipped: Yeaahhh

199. Rock climbed: Yep

200. Killed someone: Classified 

201. Watched porn: Gawd no x'D

202. Gone on a road trip: YesssS

203. Went out of the country: Many times

204. Talked back to an adult: Many times x')

205. Broken a law: Many times x'D

206. Got pulled over: Kinda...

208: Cried to get out of trouble: Nope, it's generally very hard for me to cry o_o

209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: All the time...

210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: Nope

211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: Nope

212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: OML YES x'D

213. Moon someone: Nope

214. Shoplifted: To be honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I did and didn't know lol

215. Worked at McDonald's: Nope

216. Eaten a dog: No... da fug...

217. Give money to a homeless person: Yes

218. Glued your hand to yourself: OmL yes x')

219. Kissed someone of the same sex: As a greeting yes. It's a common custom.

220. Had a one night stand: Nope

221. Smoked: Side smoked, I think they call it.

222. Done drugs: Nope

223. Lose a friend because of your ex: Nope

224. Slap someone for being stupid: YeS idiot...

225. Had cyber sex: Uh no

226. Wish you were the opposite sex: Just like once LOL

227. Caught someone doing something: HAHAHAHAHAHA yes

228. Played a game that removes clothing: Nope

229. Cried during a movie: Never

230. Cried over someone: When they left...

231. Wanted to hook up with a friend: Idk o_o

232. Hooked up with someone you barely met: Nah

233. Ran away from home: Kinda lol

234. Cheated on a test: LOL yes

Section Twelve: Would you

235. Bungee jump: Yup

236. Skydive: Nope

237. Swim with dolphins: Yup

238. Steal a friend's bf or gf: Depends x'P

239. Try to be the opposite sex: Never

240. Lie to the police: Yup

241. Run from the police: Depends

242. Lie to your parents: Don't think so

243. Backstab a friend for your own well being: Only if it's the zombie apocalypse

244. Be an exotic dancer: Meh, give it a shot x'D

245. NQ- Kill the president: Never

Section Thirteen: Are you

246. Shy: No, I'm just a generally quiet person.

247. Loud: ^ Quiet person

248. Nice: Majority of the time

249: Outgoing: Oh yass

250: Quiet: Oh YAsS

251. Mean: I can be very b*tchy

252. Emotional: Not at all

253. Sensitive: Not really. I don't really take anything to heart

254. Gay: No thanks

255. Strong: I can be

256. Weak: Nah

257. Caring: Sure

258. Dangerous: Extremely

259. Crazy: Indeed

260. Spontaneous: Very ;D

261. Funny: I'd like to think so

262. Sweet: Toward certain people

263. Sharing: Very

264. Responsible: I'd like to think so

265. Trustworthy: Very

266. Open-minded: YesS I am.

267. Creative: I'd like to think so

268. Cute: I'm told I am

269. Slick: Very

270. Smart: When I feel like it

271. Dumb: Just confused

272. Evil: Oh yassS

273. Ghetto: Not even close

274. Classy: I can be

275. Photogenic: YasS

276. Dependable: Yep

277. Greedy: Never, I'm quite content.

278. Ugly: Not even close

279. Messy: Very x'D

280. Neat: Nope, unless organized chaos counts

281. Perverted: Oh YasS

282. Silly: Yesss

283. A B****: I can be

284. A Good Listener: Oh Yes

285. A Fighter: Defiantly

286. A Party Animal: Oh YAS!!

287. A Game Freak: I guess

288. A Computer Freak: YUSSSSS

Section Fourteen: Future

289. Dream job: Animator 

290. Dream house: Somethin' Fancy x')

291. Husband/Wife: Hubby yap

292. Kids: Cross that bridge when you get there kids

293. Names: Dunno

294. Pets: A Chinchilla!

295. Car: Somethin' fancy

296. Age you would want to get married: Whenever, preferably early

297. Best Man/Bride's Maid: Mellow or Denstiy

298. Honeymoon: Don't care, as long as it's warm

Section Fifteen: Your friends (I'm going to be talking about my irl friends)

299. Best friend: Mellow

300. Known the longest: Destiny

301. Craziest: Potatoe Cat

302. Loudest: Leanka

303. Shyest: Yolandie

304. Best hair: Kyle tbh

305. Best eyes: Byron and Moni Q, their eyes are amber

306. Best body: ME!

307. Most Athletic: Eron

308. Hot-Tempered: Potatoe Cat (Ugh but it's so cute <3)

309. Most impatient: Me

310. Shortest: Erin

311. Tallest: Byron

312. Skinniest: Eron

313. Best singer: Leanka

314. Funniest: Potatoe Cat

315. Can always make you laugh: Mellow

316. Wish you talked to more: Jedd and Luke

317. Wish you saw more: Destiny

318. Who drives you insane after a while: Daniel...

319. Who you can stay around forever and never get sick of: Potatoe Cat

320. Ever lose a friend because you took it to the 'next level': Nope

321. Whose always been there when you need them: Mellow

322. Who is like your family: Mellow, Byron, Destiny, Yolandie and Leanka.

323. How many friends do you have?: About 16 that I'm close with

324. How many are really close? Out of the 16? 3 that are Extremely close with

Section Sixteen: The last

325. Thing you ate: Salad

326. Thing you drank: Water

327. Thing you wore: Shorts and a hoodie

328. Thing you did: Danced lol

329. Place you went: The Park

330. Thing you got pierced or tattooed: Ears when I was a kid

331. Person you saw: My cat (yess, his a person)

332. Person you hugged: Destiny

333. Person you kissed: As a greeting? My mom

334. NQ- Person you beat to a juicy pulp: This racist kid

335. Person you talked to online: Potatoe Cat

336. Person you talked to on the phone: Destiny

337. Song you heard: Nasko - Desperate

338. Show you saw: Momsters

339. Time you fought with your parents: Long ago

340. Time you fought with a friend: About 3 years ago

341. Words you said: "Leave us alone you controlling b*tch"

Section Seventeen: Now

343. What are you eating: Nothing

344. What are you drinking: Water

345. What are you thinking: Gonna teach an English boy how to dance like an Afrikaaner x'D

346. What are you wearing: Shorts... no shirt tho, just a bra x')

347. What are you doing: This thing

349. Hair: Messy

350. Mood: Excited

351. Listening to: Jauz x San Holo - OK!

352. Talking to anyone: Potatoe Cat

353. Watching anything: Nope

Section Eighteen: Yes or No

354. Are you a vegetarian: Nope

355. Are you a carnivore: Mmm Yes

356. Are you heterosexual: Indeed 

357. Do you like penguins: Yes

358. Do you write poetry: I do

359. Do you see stupid people: All the time

360. You + Me:

361. Do you like the Osbournes: Idk

362. Can you see flying pigs: In mah dreams yes

363. Do you sleep with stuffed animals on your bed: Nope

364. Are you from Afghanistan: Hope not 0_0

365. Is Christina Aguilera ugly: Nope

366. Are you a zombie: I don't know anymore...

367. Am i annoying you: No?

368. Do you bite your nails: Never

369. Can you cross your eyes: Sloppily yes

370. Do you make your bed in the morning: Nah I LIKE MESSES

371. Have you touched someone's private part: ACCIDENT

Section Nineteen: This or That

372. Winter or Summer: Summer

373. Spring or Autumn: Spring

374. Shakira or Britney: I don't care

375. MTV or VH1: Don't care

376. Black or White: Black

377. Yellow or Pink: Pink?

378. Football or Basketball: Basketball

379. Mobile Phone or Pager: Mobile

380. Pen or Pencil: Pen

381. Cold or Hot: Hot and steamy

382. Tattoos or Piercings: Tattoos

383. Inside or Outside: Inside is safe

384. Weed or Alcohol: None

385. Coke or Pepsi: Gimme da COKE

386. Tape or Glue: Tape

387. McDonald's or In-n-Out: Mccy D

Section Twenty: Opinions

388. What do you think about classical music: Sleep

389. About boy bands: Not interested.

390. About suicide: Tis' real sad

391. About people who try to force their opinions on you: I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you over your CLOSED MIND!!

392. About teen pregnancy: Mah gawd just wait, it really isn't that hard.

393. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: Either in America filthy rich. Or living life off the land x'D

394. Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Mellow, Destiny and Potatoe Cat.

395. About gay men: No comment.

Section Twenty-One:

396. Do you have a website: Nope

397. Current weather right now: Dark

398. Current time:  6:46 p.m.

399. Any shout outs: Nope

400. Last thoughts: My cat is cute 030